The Art of Feedback

Posted on June 13, 2014 by Seniye Groff

I recently designed and delivered a session on giving and receiving feedback. It is truly remarkable that people cringe at the suggestion of giving feedback. Feedback is a critical skill for success. In sports there is constant feedback: the score, how the ball was hit, whether you returned the serve. In business, feedback is equally as important because it allows you to stay in business, show a profit and create an environment where employees and colleagues are an asset to the business.

Even when feedback is constructive it can be difficult to hear and some people will be reluctant to agree improvement is needed. Yet constructive feedback is a valuable “gift” to help people improve and grow. If feedback is given with care, it is more likely to be truly heard and acted on.

If you focus the feedback on the behavior and not the person, you are likely to maintain the person’s self-esteem. A person should not leave the feedback meeting feeling “beat up” but rather focused on the behavior that needs correction and a plan on how to correct it most effectively.

Remember the 80 / 20 rule and focus on affirming even small successes. Give specific (behavior based) examples of the factors that contributed to the feedback. Make sure the timing is appropriate to give and receive feedback.

For example, “Mike I just listened to your call with Mr. Jones. (Timely) You did a nice job of listening to his complaint in its entirety and then repeating back to him what you thought his issue concerned.” (Behavior based).

It is important to be specific. For example, avoid saying things like, “You need to be more talkative in meetings.” It’s too ambiguous and can be interpreted in a lot of ways.

Say something specific and positive pointed at the task you want accomplished, such as, “You’re smart. I want to hear at least one opinion from you in every meeting we’re in together going forward.”

Specific Steps for Success:

Step 1: State the constructive purpose of your feedback.

State your purpose briefly by indicating what you’d like to cover and why it’s important.

Example: “I have a concern about…”

“I feel I need to let you know…”

“I want to discuss….”

“I have some thoughts about…”

Step 2: Describe specifically what you have observed. Focus on behavior rather than the person. Define the impact.

Have a certain event or action in mind and be able to say when and where it happened, who was involved, and what the results were. Stick to what you personally observed and don’t try to speak for others. Avoid talking vaguely about what the person “always” or “usually” does.

Avoid “You” statements

“You did this” versus “this is what I observed”
“You should not have done that” versus “Here’s how I think…”
“You must be crazy” versus “it is important we talk about this”
“I feel frustrated when you do not get your reports to me on time” versus “I feel frustrated when I do not have the reports on time for the 2:00 meeting” (shows impact of behavior)

Example: “You demonstrate a high degree of confidence when you answer customer questions about registration procedures “, versus, “Your communication skills are good.” Or “You are really great at that.”

Example: “You talked a lot during the staff meeting, which prevented me from getting to some of the main points,” rather than “You talk too much.”

Step 3: Describe your reactions.

Explain the consequences of the other person’s behavior and how you feel about it.

Example: “The team member looked embarrassed and I felt uncomfortable about seeing the episode.” “Shouting at our team members is not acceptable behavior in this department.”

Step 4: Give the other person an opportunity to respond.

Remain silent and meet the other person’s eye, indicating that you are waiting for answer. If the person hesitates to respond, ask an open ended question.

Example: “What do you think?”

“What is your view of this situation?”

“What is your reaction to this?”

“What are your thoughts?”

Step 5: Offer specific suggestions.

Whenever possible make your suggestions helpful by including practical, feasible examples.

Example: “Alison, I sometimes write myself notes or put up signs to remind myself to do something.”

“Sara, rather than telling Matt that you’re not interested in all the details, you might try asking him specific questions about the information you are most interested in.”

Receiving Feedback

Listen without getting hooked. Let the person say their entire thought without interrupting them.
Ask for clarification. Ask for specific examples so that you know exactly what the employee is saying.
Separate your feeling from the facts or specific behavior. It is difficult to hear that we are not perfect. Remember the employee is not saying you are a bad person, just that the particular behavior is not effective for them.
Summarize what you heard. Repeat the feedback to ensure you understood what they were saying.
Ask for advice. A great question to ask is “if you were me, how would you handle this situation?”
Thank the person. Remember, feedback is a gift.

Spring Flowers

Posted on May 18, 2014 by Seniye Groff

Spring has sprung!

Posted on April 28, 2014 by Seniye Groff

Winter was long and nasty (and we aren’t even on the East Coast!) so seeing flowers is thrilling. I never noticed flowers on my sage before, but this year they are on my plants. Most of my kale and beets did not make it through the winter, but I will begin to plan my summer garden. Tomatoes, of course, but since I signed up for a CSA for June through October, I will need to plan a bit more carefully for what else I will grow.

Carthage

Posted on April 7, 2014 by Seniye Groff

In true Oates form, she has written a book about human frailty with twists and turns to keep the reader guessing. Who else could develop a plot about an Iraqi injured war veteran, a pretty sister and a smart one who happens to be an outsider and missing?! This book is raw; the writing is real and immersive.

Zeno and Arlette seem to have it all in their nice, cozy, small New York town of Carthage. Their older daughter, Juliette, is set to marry a brave Iraqi soldier, Brett, while their younger daughter, Cressida, sits in the background. But things unravel when Brett returns home seriously injured and Cressida appears to be murdered after driving away with Brett on a late Saturday night. Although Brett cannot remember the exact events of the evening with Cressida, no one can deny she is missing. Cressida is looking for the love and the admiration her parents give freely to the pretty sister, Juliette.

In part two of Carthage the reader meets Sabbath and pieces together what has happened in the seven years since Cressida’s “death”. A visit to a prison convinces Sabbath that she must return to Carthage. In Carthage everyone’s life has changed due to the disappearance and apparent violet death of Cressida. Lives are changed forever but can they find forgiveness?

I am an avid Oates fan already, but this book is beyond what was expected. The characters are so flawed, so real and the emotions are raw. At times the details seem overwhelming but once the reader gets to the end, they will realize that Oates had a purposeful grip on them all along.

Recent Customer Service Snafu and Lesson

Posted on March 11, 2014March 13, 2014 by Seniye Groff

There are many valuable lessons I have learned from being a parent. Two that stand out in my mind are one, birthdays are very important. So important, they can almost be similar to a national holiday in a child’s mind. And second, kids do not forget (or forgive) when you screw up something related to their birthday. I learned this when I failed to get my daughter a birthday card for her last birthday. I heard about it for this past year repeatedly. (I am proud to say not only did I not forget this year, but I actually hand made the card!)

Given these lessons, I have to tell you about a recent experience in my local Portland ice cream store (to remain nameless). I typically bake cupcakes for my daughter’s birthday but this year wanted to do something a little different for our family celebration. So, last Sunday, I called the ice cream store to order an ice cream cake. My soon-to-be 12 year old and I poured over the ice cream store’s website looking for the perfect cake. My daughter decided on the watermelon cake with chocolate ice cream and vanilla cake. When I called on Sunday evening, the young man told me he would have to call me back because they were busy. I gave him my number. Twenty minutes later he called me back. I told him the cake we wanted and he asked for how many people. I told him eight to ten. He said fine and that it would be ready to pick up the following Saturday.

On Saturday, my husband went to pick up the cake. He was immediately informed that there had been a mix up and that the young man who took my order did not realize there was no such thing as a cake for eight to ten people. The employee stated they tried to call but could not find the number. And so since they could not get a hold of us, they “chose to do nothing.” Nothing???? Really?!! If the employee stopped and thought about it for one moment, he would have realized #1. This is a BIRTHDAY cake order and #2. It is for eight to ten people (which means there is some type of get together involved) and #3. If the person picking up this cake is planning on having this cake, what other options would they have with such late notice and #4. Again, this was a BIRTHDAY cake for a CHILD.

My husband was offered another cake out of the case. There were not a lot of choices and frankly, we had nine people to feed in less than an hour so we did not have any other options. My husband chose a cake which was not even close in style or flavor to what my daughter wanted.

And the end result: my daughter CRIED when she saw that the cake she had been waiting all week for, was indeed not what she had waited all week for! My husband and I wondered why better decisions could not have been made. For example, make the watermelon cake for the correct size the ice cream store makes it for and call it good.

Of course, I called the manager the next day to explain what happened and to ask WHY? I was told that not everyone is trained in cake details and probably the person I worked with did not have the cake training. Well, no doubt about that! Also the manager explained that the person I worked with was young and young people do not always make great decisions. Hmmmm! That explanation really makes you wonder.

I propose a few solutions to ensure great customer service:

1. Train everyone on the cake details. If that is not possible, how about ensuring a customer ordering a cake, is given to the “cake expert” in the store.

2. Create a quick reference guide about the cake ordering process. A checklist could be included to make sure all details are covered.

3. Offer some training for employees on how to troubleshoot and solve problems. It could be structured almost like a FAQ (frequently asked questions) document.

These are just three quick ideas. What other ideas to YOU have?

One thing for sure, I am back to making cupcakes next year, when my daughter turns 13!

Friday Happy Hour

Posted on March 1, 2014March 13, 2014 by Seniye Groff

A couple of weeks ago I picked up the book, “Happy Hour at Home” by Barbara Scott-Goodman. This book, coupled with a mushroom tart recipe I have been eyeing in my “Smitten Kitchen” book inspired me to schedule a Friday night Happy Hour with some friends.

I settled on making mojitos, mainly because I have never made them and I have a bottle of Cruzan run sitting in my pantry. Since the rum is from St. Croix, where I lived from eighth grade through high school graduation, I knew memories would shower me, too.

I made an onion & gruyere tart from Scott Goodman’s book. The recipe is here. I also made the mushroom tart. The recipe index is here, but not sure if the particular tart recipe is there. Coupled with a salad, these tarts were filling and delicious. A few mojitos and ice cream with homemade chocolate sauce finished out the night. It was a great way to finish off the work week!

Chocolate Pound Cake

Posted on February 16, 2014 by Seniye Groff

Today, I made this chocolate pound cake. Who doesn’t love pound cake or chocolate so combined?? So, I am sure it will be a winner. Whenever I use my bundt pan, no matter how well-greased, I worry about whether or not the cake will release from the pan. There is nothing worse, that taking a cake to someone’ s house and it has crumbled! I am happy to report this one came out cleanly. I do hope it tastes as good as it looks!

Smitten Kitchen

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Seniye Groff

I have discovered the Smitten Kitchen by way of her cookbook. I did not even know about the blog! Deb Perleman seems to be my kind of gal. She is not a classically trained chef but, instead like me, just loves to cook and tweak recipes. There are so many yummy things in her cookbook I cannot wait to get started. Well, actually I already got started last night with the caramel recipe and the granola recipe.

It is amazing how sugar transforms in the process of making caramels. I have made caramel for my salted caramel ice cream but have never made stand-alone caramel candies. Although tasty, I do not think I got to the required 260 degrees (I need a true candy thermometer!) because my caramel did not end up hardening enough after the two-hour cool down. Alas, I will try again. My granola, on the other hand, was delicious!

Physical Versus Mental Parenting

Posted on January 20, 2014 by Seniye Groff

I remember the days of sheer physical exhaustion from chasing after my kids; always worrying if they were going to tumble down the stairs or get into some type of poison underneath the kitchen sink. Now that the kids are six and 12, there has been a noticeable shift in my worries–especially for the 12 year old. I no longer am physically exhausted from playing hide and seek and chasing after them down the block. Instead, I now am in the role of “detective”. I have to review my older daughter’s website history, her emails, her texts and various accounts like Instagram and Snapchat. There seems to be all sorts of dangers lurking and an innocent child has no idea of the possible outcomes.

When I chat with other parents and tell them of my trials and tribulations, most are shocked. Their first reaction is “How do you know?” and then “How do you check?” Ignorance is not bliss here, people. As a parent, you must know what your child is doing online. Parents should know every place their child goes online and should have every user name and password to every account. I am currently creating a job aid for parents so that they know how to check the most commonly sites and apps that 11-13 year-olds are using. Of course, things move rapidly, so fully expect to update the document regularly.

What things do you need to know how to do?
What sites does your child visit regularly?
Have you implemented internet “rules” that your child must follow?
Does your child have an email address?
Does your child text?

Let me know what your experience is with your child and the online environment. Also let me know what would be helpful to know so that I can consider putting it on my document.

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seniyegroff

Eclectic musings from a wanderer, reader, cook and mom