Author: Seniye Groff

Article Published!

Posted on by Seniye Groff

Getting published is no easy feat so when I was a book reviewer, even if the book did not resonate with me, I read it, I reviewed it and I tailored my review to have a positive focus. I have published my thesis, several business articles and an article in Adoption Today after I adopted my second daughter. But for the last six years I have focused on getting some of my creative nonfiction pieces published.

I started writing again during my divorce. Writing late at night helped me process the swirl of feelings I was experiencing during this turbulent time in my life. Last year I joined a writing group to continue to finetune my writing. It was an amazing experience writing, reading, getting immediate feedback and hearing the writing of others. This encounter was immensely helpful not only in my writing, but also in the thought of getting some of my pieces published. I had never really considered publishing articles of my most deepest, personal thoughts but once I read them to the group, it became easier to expose myself.

Any writer will tell you that getting a piece published is extremely difficult. I have received so many rejection emails, I have lost count. So imagine my disbelief when I received an email with the subject line, “Submission Accepted”. I actually read the email several times because I did not really believe it. I am happy to report is was true.

My piece was accepted <a href="http://&lt;!– wp:embed {"url":"https://www.sfwp.com/sfwp-quarterly/issue-32-/spring-2025&quot;,"type":"rich","providerNameSlug":"embed"} –> <figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-embed wp-block-embed-embed"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper"> https://www.sfwp.com/sfwp-quarterly/issue-32-/spring-2025 </div></figure> here.

My piece is here.

Let me know what you think.

Solo Travel

Posted on by Seniye Groff

I am fortunate to have completed several solo trips oversees and I often get asked, “What is your favorite trip?”  Solo travel has been empowering and liberating for me. Traveling solo allows for the ultimate flexibility.  If I like a place I stay longer and if I don’t, I can quickly move on.  I think back to my first solo trip and stressing about not having anyone to travel with me.  I had a close friend dying of cancer and she told me, “Seniye if I could travel, I would do it in a minute!  Go travel…it will all work out.”  And she was 100% correct.

My favorite trip so far has been Morocco. It was my first time on the African continent and it did not disappoint.  The Sahara Desert was so beautiful…the sand a brilliant orange and the night sky littered with millions of stars that you just cannot see anywhere else because of the light pollution.  I loved the food, the artisanal crafts and the dizzying mazes that formed the souks.  The riads were charming hotels with sparkling clean rooms, amazing tile work and hearty quintessential Moroccan breakfasts.  I could go on and on.  If I had been too scared to travel alone, I would have missed all of it!

So how can you solo travel?  I have a few tips:

  • Pick safe countries.  There are lots of lists that outline safe travel for single women.
  • Do your homework and have a rough plan but get comfortable with wandering, too.
  • Share you itinerary with your family and friends.
  • Don’t do stupid things.  For example, I do not visit bars nor do I explore late at night.
  • Do your research.  There are Facebook groups with likeminded travelers.  The wealth of information shared has been really informative.  Two groups I like (but there are hundreds) are “Traveling Solo over 50” and “Solo in Style”. 
  • Target your search by country. There are many FB groups that focus on specific locales.  Travelers share their itineraries, tips and even meet up if they are in a location at the same time.

So, what are your solo travel suggestions?  And where do you want to go next?

Inclusion: The Foundation

Posted on by Seniye Groff

I am working with a new client on bolstering their inclusion practices with employees and clients. In the most basic form, inclusion is defined as “the act of including” by Merriam Webster. But we all know it is a lot more than that. In fact, all people want to feel included, valued and appreciated…or at least I know for sure that I do! So how do you create an environment where folks feel a sense of belonging, feel heard and feel safe to express their authentic selves?

First, accept that we all have bias. One of the ways to work through our bias is to talk about it. Many DEIB programs hit walls when they focused on blaming and shaming. Blaming and shaming never work, especially when you are asking someone to be open-minded to others that are different from them. Being bold enough to tackle these tough conversations is difficult since you don’t want to be called a racist, you don’t want to be misunderstood, you don’t want to offend someone and you certainly don’t relish is discomfort!

So what can you do to be more inclusive? I like this video on making assumptions and the framework is offers to Pause/Recognize/Question so that you are not misled by your assumptions (bias). Ask yourself, “What assumptions am I making?” and “How do I know these assumptions are true?”

Another tactic is to acknowledge your own preconceived ideas, move beyond generalizations and know the difference between perspective and reality. In other words:

•What messages have I received in my life that may influence my perspectives?

•What identity groups do I have the most exposure to?

•What identity groups do I have the least exposure to?

•How can I check for blind spots?

Other things you can do are expose yourself to new experiences, talk to people with different identities from your own and broaden your worldview. I love it when I talk to someone and I can say, “I never thought of that perspective or view before.” and “Wow, that’s a whole new way of looking at…” I think the American Negotiation Institute’s guiding principle says it best: “The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations.”

What have you done to address your blind spots?

This Chair Rocks by Ashton Applewhite

Posted on by Seniye Groff

I challenge you to flip the script and believe that you are not OLD, instead you are experienced!  Ageism is stereotyping and discrimination on the basis of a person’s age. Influenced by social movements that were challenging racism and sexism, Dr. Robert Butler coined the word “ageism” in 1968. It is the last socially sanctioned prejudice.  With age comes experience; with youth comes experience.  Both are valuable.

We experience ageism any time someone assumes that we’re “too old” for something—a task, a haircut, a relationship—instead of finding out who we are and what we’re capable of. Or “too young;” ageism cuts both ways, although in a youth-oriented society older people bear the brunt of it.

Like racism and sexism, discrimination on the basis of age serves a social and economic purpose: to legitimize and sustain inequalities between groups. It’s not about how we look. It’s about how people in power assign meaning to how we look.

Stereotyping—the assumption that all members of a group are the same—underlies ageism (as it does all “isms”). Stereotyping is always a mistake, but especially when it comes to age, because the older we get, the more different from one another we become.

No one is born prejudiced, but attitudes about age—as well as race and gender—start to form in early childhood. Over a lifetime they harden into a set of truths: “just the way it is.” Unless we challenge ageist stereotypes—Old people are incompetent. Wrinkles are ugly. It’s sad to be old— we feel shame and embarrassment instead of taking pride in the accomplishment of aging. That’s internalized ageism.

Unless we confront the ageism in and around us, we lay the foundation for our own irrelevance and marginalization. The critical starting point is to acknowledge our own prejudices, because change requires awareness.

Working together we can:

  • Challenge ageism – in ourselves, social practices, policies, and institutions.
  • Create new language and models that embrace the full life journey.
  • Create new paradigms in society so that adults can participate fully consistent with their capabilities and ambitions at all stages of life.
  • Celebrate the contributions of older adults.
  • Create a more compassionate and interdependent society that supports the well-being of people of all ages.
  • Inspire and help develop cross-generational communities where people of all ages enjoy the gifts and capacities they have to offer.

Read Applewhite’s book to learn more.

The Reset Button

Posted on by Seniye Groff

For the last six years I have been planning my “reset”. I moved a lot growing up and landed in Portland 30 years ago to take a promotion with Nike. Portland has been a fabulous place to “grow up” but I am ready for a change. The surprising thing is how to figure out where to go next. I created a spreadsheet with my seven most important criteria.

  • Accessible airport with lots of direct flights
  • Good climate
  • Available healthcare
  • Livability (cultural events, diversity)
  • Affordability (taxes, housing prices, living expenses)
  • Vibe (welcoming of outsiders, newcomers)
  • Safety and crime stats.

As I have visited locales and added places to assess, I have returned to my list of criteria over an over again. For example, when considering climate I have come to believe there is no “one” ideal place and perhaps two locations (a summer and a winter one) is more ideal. As far as affordability, what income is taxed and prevailing estate taxes are becoming more important but certainly not a deciding factor.

While looking at new, potential locations, I have also been working on my current location…getting my house ready to sell. I have been paring down my belongings and doing some maintenance on my house so that I am not left with a bunch to do at the eleventh hour.

Another consideration is my dog, Pete. I am not sure how easy it will be to travel with him. Ideally, I would like to travel oversees for a while and then determine my landing spot back in the U.S. There is a wealth of information and online groups on the web.

So my question to you: Where would you go if you were hitting the reset button?  Please add your ideas to the comments.  #makelifehappen 

The Current State of DEIB

Posted on by Seniye Groff

For every headline you might read lately, it seems that DEIB is all but gone…under attack…wrong in so many ways. But I see just as many companies, people and organizations sticking with their DEIB initiatives. Most DEIB strategies are focused on doing the right thing not giving folks an “unfair” advantage like the media would like us to believe. Treating people with dignity and respect should never be out of style.

Dismantling racial structures means change and people typically don’t like change especially when they believe they are losing something. So let’s flip the script and focus on what people gain when change happens. It is also important to plan out the change management strategy that should be tied to any organizational pivot or evolution.

The first step in a change management plan is to build and maintain momentum. Have your team analyze stakeholders, evaluate the impact to the organization, determine how you will measure the change and of course, secure budget for the endeavor.

The second step is to engage your stakeholders. This step includes creating a communication plan for the end user so identify your audience and what is important to them. In addition to the communication plan, figure out the engagement strategy…and expect and plan for some bumps along the way.

The third step focuses on aligning the organization. Complete an organizational RACI (Responsible, Accountable, Consulted and Informed). Rewards and measurements should be considered here, too.

The fourth steps includes training and developing people. Consider the needed training strategy tied to roles and jobs, as well as, a coaching plan. Develop the needed materials, create the delivery schedule, determine how you will evaluate the training and then implement the training.

Finally in the fifth step of the process, monitor readiness and adoption of the organization. Define the metrics that will be used and create an assessment plan plus plenty of pulse checks. It is clearly evident that DEIB is very important to every organization (and the world) so upfront planning can help ensure that all the strategies and focus are set up for success and dissemination throughout the organization.

What have you done or experienced that helped your organization successfully implement their DEIB efforts?

Sharing some reading materials, too:

https://www.wsj.com/sports/football/nfl-super-bowl-dei-end-racism-b78a3495?st=eYTi9L&reflink=article_copyURL_share
https://twitter.com/cbseveningnews/status/1884368357828202982?s=46&t=CG_r2BJL2op9UnwpKeRdqA

https://www.fastcompany.com/91247655/this-is-how-dei-will-change-in-2025

Happy 2025!

Posted on by Seniye Groff

Almost everyone I know loves New Years Eve. Who couldn’t love the opportunity to hit the reset button?! And after some years, the reset button is a welcome reprieve. I suggest pausing for a moment, though, to consider the following:

  • What worked in the previous year that you should consider repeating?
  • What definitely didn’t work and so stopping immediately is wise?
  • What could be tweaked to get even better results?
  • What was too easy and therefore doing you no good?
  • What do you want to get better at, even if it is scary?
  • What did you learn? Both positive and negative.
  • How do you want to take care of yourself and others?

I am sure there are a million other questions I didn’t even think of, so what are your additions? Let me know.

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

Posted on by Seniye Groff

I recently finished reading Haidt’s, “The Anxious Generation”. I was curious about this book as I have struggled to help my teenager with their depression. I am fascinated how their older sister (six years apart) had such a different experience in her teenage years than my younger child. Haidt makes some compelling arguments supported with a ton of data and research. The book’s website also offers additional data and research.

Haidt gives some reasons for depression including:

  • Genes-predisposed to depression
  • Thought patterns (can be learned and unlearned)
  • Social and environmental conditions

But he contends that the biggest difference is how society is focused on a “phone-based childhood vs play- based childhood”. Essentially playing outside and with friends has been replaced with the virtual world. I have definitely seen this difference between my two kids. Another dramatic difference is how parents are overprotective in real life and under protected online.

Haidt explains that the prevailing wisdom of parents today is that kids need to be supervised constantly and parents should not let their kids roam independently like we did when we were children. There is no longer the mantra of “come home when it gets dark.” And laws are even in place to report parents that are seemingly being irresponsible by allowing their kids some freedom. Essentially we have created so many guardrails kids do not experience any hardship or failure which in turn prevents them from developing resilience and grit.

Our phone-based culture has created four harms:

  • #1: Social deprivation -kids are connected to everyone in the world and disconnected from the people around them.
  • #2: Sleep deprivation-there has been tons of research on how our devices disrupt our sleeping patterns.
  • #3: Attention fragmentation-notifications and disruptions happen constantly which leaves us with about five minutes to focus on any task or though before we are interrupted once again.
  • #4: Addiction- “The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for the wired generation”.

This book, its message and all the thorough research really resonated with me. I do agree with Haidt that if we as a society do not address the negative effects of social media and the virtual world, we will create a very different, fragmented world that what we have enjoyed thus far. Certainly putting down the phones, getting out in nature and making more time for real play for our kids can make a difference if we all lean in and make it happen.

Last Day in Dubrovnik

Posted on by Seniye Groff

It is said that Dubrovnik is the most over-touristed city in Europe and even though we went in off season, it was still very crowded. The rain cleared out by 8 a.m. which allowed for a pretty nice last day. I wanted to get out of the crowds and so we decided to head to Lapad. Lapad has a beautiful promenade that follows the Adriatic Sea. We walked this and stopped at a Cave Bar. It was a fun, unique environment.

After lunch we headed back to Old Town since my friends wanted to do some souvenir shopping. We then hoofed it back up the hill to our apartment for a few hours of rest. And finished the evening with another splendid dinner and fantastic bottle of local wine.

That’s a wrap on my amazing Slovenian and Croatian getaway. I love the spirit of travel and the ability to learn about new cultures. And I will always happily eat my way through any country! 🙂

Dubrovnik Day Two

Posted on by Seniye Groff

We stayed outside of Old Town which was about a ten minute walk but all uphill. The steepness is crazy but it also provided a great view of Old Town from our apartment.

The weather was predicted to be rainy and windy so we decided to get out earlier than usual to wander Old Town again. The waves were coming over the city walls but we managed to enjoy ourselves, eat lunch and pick up something to take back to the apartment for dinner, since we guessed it would be too nasty to go out.