I believe it is important to constantly continue to learn. And I love learning new things to to help me consider other points of view. So, I was definitely intrigued to read Kim’s book. She is a queer, immigrant Korean American woman writer and like every other person in this world, she has a unique perspective. This perspective informs her work in the DEI space. The premise of this book is good intentions vs. real change, which also is challenge in the DEI space.
Some things that I liked from this book:
Her definition of allyship. She states that it is, “the active and consistent practice of using power and privilege to achieve equity, inclusion and justice while holding ourselves accountable to marginalized people’s needs.
I agree with her comment that good intentions produce unwanted outcomes all the time. “Doing good” is not the end game. Validation must come from the group that is marginalized. They decide what doing good really means. For example, ” By failing to set accountability metrics that are driven by the very people such initiatives have been created to support, companies end up solving nothing and doing no good.”
Kim’s distinction of do-gooders vs each of us owning that we “each play a critical role in upholding and dismantling systemic oppressions that ultimately impact all of us.” Who does your “why” serve? Yourself? Or historically marginalized people?
We need to understand they ways in which we are harmed by or benefitting from different systems of oppression. We all benefit from some and cause harm in other ways. And the belief that everyone has the opportunity to succeed through hard work and their own skills is a myth. The folks that hold the power, access and resources while not acknowledging the barriers marginalized people face, have enjoyed success, believing they earned (and deserve) their success.
I think about the Afghan man that I am teaching English to and how motivated he is to learn so that he can improve his opportunities. Someone that already speaks English clearly has advantages over this immigrant. This is a simple example but shows how inequities begin and stay in place.
White supremacy exists in every system we have in place: work, healthcare, criminal justice system, real estate, the interviewing and hiring process…the list goes on and on. “Racism is a complex set of systems, policies and beliefs that reinforce the marginalization of people while privileging white people in society.”
Kim lists a few questions to help guide us:
Who has the power?
How is the power being used?
Who benefits?
Who is harmed?
What historical, social, cultural or political context might I be missing?
There is so much to this book, I am going to write multiple posts about it!
Fall is here, hence the pumpkin-flavored everything all around us! So as the year is coming to a close with only three full months left, now is a great time to look backward and forward.
Some things to consider:
What do you still want to accomplish before year end?
What is reasonable to accomplish by year end?
What would be most valuable to accomplish by year end?
What have I already accomplished that will set me up for success in the new year?
What should I repeat next year?
What do I still need to accomplish, learn or get rid of?
What other things should you consider to close out this year and begin the next year?
I love learning new things and certainly have spent the last several years reading, watching and listening to anything I can get my hands on about diversity, equity, inclusion, bias and belonging. So I recently picked up, “Say the Right Thing” by Kenji Yoshino and David Glasgow. The premise of the book is to learn how to talk about identity, diversity and justice.
The authors suggest a framework called A.D.D.A. which stands for avoid, deflect, deny and attack. The authors contend these are conversational traps that one needs to be aware of and prepare for as one tries to have conversations around identity, diversity and justice issues. I thought this framework really did capture how conversations derail, sometimes before they even start!
One line in the book really captured the issue for me:
As excruciating as it can feel to have conversation about identity, it’s important to remember people from nondominant groups have always experienced emotional turmoil in these dialogues from being ignored, mocked, tone policed, or subjected to retaliation. When you find yourself wondering, “Why am I so uncomfortable? You might instead ask, “Why have I been comfortable until now?” You might then hear the answer: “I’ve been comfortable because until today, the other person has carried all the discomfort on their own.”
The authors suggest some strategies to deal with the emotional discomfort of these types of conversations such as a growth mindset by treating mistakes as opportunities to learn, self-affirm by reminding yourself what is most important and right-size feedback by remembering claims about privilege are often not as extreme as you perceive them. Reframing the situation can make you more open to the conversation in an objective way.
There are lots of helpful nuggets in this book. The authors share stories, examples and suggestions. One of the ending notes I think was helpful, “Don’t ignore people’s group identity, but also don’t reduce them to their group identity.” And finally, educate yourself! It is your responsibility to do so. Be curious, humble and ask for help but don’t expect someone else to educate you. Check out this book and let me know what you learned.
Next week, I am co-presenting a session to a group of women new in their careers. Our topic is how obstacles can hinder women’s careers in the workplace. We all know bias exists and it certainly is a challenge for women…all women. I have witnessed it. I have experienced it. And I don’t want my daughters (or any other woman) to have to deal with it.
I have created some pre-work to set the stage for the face-to-face training, which I have shared below.
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
2. Have you ever experienced or witnessed any of the bias the article discusses?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
During the live session, we will walk through what bias looks like, how we all have bias and some things we can do when we see or experience bias. I know that women new in their careers might not be willing to speak up, but my hope is to share some tools that will help them address bias in a thoughtful, intentional, empowering way.
I had such a great time being interviewed by Michael Hingson from Unstoppable Mindset. We spoke about a variety of topics. Driving the conversation and taking a proactive role is the crux of my conversation. Michael has such an interesting story and perspective, himself. Listen on and contact me with questions, comments and feedback!
“It’s easy to stand with a crowd. It takes courage to stand alone.” Mahatma Gandi
Besides my consulting work, I have signed on for two speaking engagements in April. One session is focused on early career women and how to overcome barriers in their careers. The second presentation is an HR/Benefits one day conference. I will be presenting on how to jumpstart DEI efforts at organizations. This audience is mainly HR and CFO folks.
I love presenting, sharing ideas and hearing stories from audiences. For the barriers presentation, this article provides a nice overview and some much-needed pre-work for audience self-reflection. I think back to my career and how I put up with so much “wrong” stuff early in my career due to fear, lack of knowledge on what to do and just overall naivete. Even in present day, the barriers are pretty much the same…women hold little power and are subject to so much bias. And then couple that with being a women within another marginalized group and imagine the obstacles, doubled or tripled!
I remember being told that you must “ask for what you want” yet even as recent as five years ago, when I did that, I was told, “Leadership will decide when you are ready…not you.” Unbelievable and yet, as women, we are forced to comply or start over. In this example, it was the beginning of me realizing exactly the environment I was working in and fortunately, I had options so didn’t need to stay.
But most women don’t have options or fear sticking their neck out and saying something. How do we teach women to move beyond this fear? First, we talk openly about it! If we normalize behavior that holds women back is acceptable, it will continue. I think we also need to make women aware of bias and what it looks like and actions they can take against it.
Bias “is a human trait resulting from our tendency and need to classify individuals into categories as we strive to quickly process information and make sense of the world.” There are two types of bias:
Explicit Bias
Implicit or Unconscious Bias
Explicit cognitive bias includes overt racism and racist comments; “individuals are aware of their prejudices and attitudes toward certain groups.”
Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias involves “automatic, unconscious mental processes based on implicit attitudes or implicit stereotypes that are formed by one’s life experience and lurk behind the surface of the conscious.” Implicit biases are necessary for us to survive since our brains cannot possibly process every piece of information coming at it in real time for us to make decisions. Our brains learn to categorize similar things so we can react. EVERYONE has Implicit Bias. A preference for a group (positive or negative) often operating outside our awareness and based on stereotypes and attitudes we hold that tend to develop early in life and tend to strengthen over time.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
Bias
Conscious Bias
Expressed directly
We have it and we are aware of it.
Unconscious Bias
Expressed indirectly
We are not aware of the bias.
Bias in Action
Age
Color
Education level
Expertise
Family status
Gender
National origin
Personality
Physical ability
Physical appearance
Political views
Race/Ethnicity
Religion
Sexual orientation/Identity
Socioeconomic status
Bias effects
Confidence
Creativity
Decision making
Emotional health
Employment
Engagement
Opportunity
Performance
Personal freedom
Physical health
Relationships
Risk taking
Safety
Self-esteem
Q:When have you experienced or witnessed bias? What happened? What was done about it? What was the end result?
Who are you?
I am not biased. I view things objectively.
Or
Bias exists in everyone, including me. I actively STOP and think about how bias effects the choices I make.
Q: Which one are you? Provide an example.
Sources of your bias:
Your own experiences.
Information you read such as news, social media, stories, books, movies etc.
Your education including school you attend and what you study.
Your context-family, friends, work, where you live, what you do and who you spend time with.
Culture-spoken and unspoken rules in your community and society.
Innate characteristics you are born with.
All of these create your identity. Your identity can be sources of positive and negative bias. Some of our identifiers cause us to be biased to others and others to be biased towards us.
Q: What is your identity? Note if any create bias towards others.
How to Disrupt Bias (within yourself)
Create connections with folks different from yourself.
Move from “autopilot” to questioning your thoughts and behaviors.
Be curious.
Be empathetic.
Ask questions. Even if uncomfortable. You can say you are uncomfortable!
Q: Think about who you connect with, hang out with, spend time with, ask advice from…do they look different or similar to you? Why?
Broaden your viewpoint by:
Joining different groups
Reading different viewpoints, following different influencers
Joining different community groups
Try new experiences
Change your routines
Take Action
Ways to Act with Courage
Notice bias happening
Confront bias
Help others with bias
Address bias
Q: What are specific ways you can act with courage as described above?
Pause and question actions, thoughts and outcomes.
Seek to understand.
Check assumptions.
Learn. Educate yourself and others.
Share your story.
Bring people together.
Be a coach or mentor.
Amplify others’ voices.
Speak up.
Organize groups.
Your perspectives are incomplete. You are an expert on your identity…be willing to learn about others.
Types of Bias
Confirmation bias-get information that supports our existing beliefs. Ex. News from a single source.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Anchoring bias-rely on first piece of information we see. Ex. Misdiagnose an illness by paying too much attention to the first symptom we see.
Take action: What could we do differently?
In-Group bias-we favor people we like and who are like us. Ex. Hiring a candidate that has our similar background, alma mater etc.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Negativity bias-we are more powerfully influenced by negative experience than positive or neutral experiences. Ex. Remembering bad customer service experience.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Attribution bias-we judge others on their action but we judge ourselves based on our intent. Ex. Thinking someone is ineffective because of a mistake.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Sunk-Cost bias-we continue things because we have already invested time, money resources. Ex. Keep reading a book even though you don’t like it.
Take action: What could we do differently?
“Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles; cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.” Martin Luther King
Share your experiences and ideas…and what you can do differently.
Fear holds us back. Fear keeps us from welcoming difference. Fear also forces us out of our comfort zones. I think back on the most pivotal moments in my life and realize that fear held me back but also moved me forward. Some scenarios where fear moved me forward were:
-having a child
-leaving a job
-getting married
-traveling oversees the first time solo
-speaking up when no one else would
-getting divorced
-adopting a child
-saying “yes” to something that I had no idea how to do.
But I believe that if you keep doing things as you always do, things will be guaranteed to stay the same and do we really want a life of sameness??!! Yes there is an inherent risk to pushing your boundaries because you are being pushed into the unknown…and often the outcome turns out to be better than I could have possibly imagined. Hard…yes. Painful…sometimes. But ultimately…better. We have to believe that or we would never move forward and evolve.
Cold nights and semi-warm days is Palm Springs in December. This trip was the fifth December trip to Palm Springs and I was able to get out and hike, which was great. Managed four hikes including the Coachella Valley Preserve, which although in the middle of nowhere, was fascinating. It sits on the San Andreas fault line and the water that seeps through the earth creates enough water for these palm trees to grow in the middle of the sandy desert.
On the complete opposite spectrum from Japan is Vietnam. This was my second trip to Vietnam. My first trip was ten years ago and I only visited Hanoi. This trip I visited Hanoi, Da Nang, Hue, Hoi An and Ho Chi Minh City. Covering so much of Vietnam meant a lot of plane rides as the roads make for slow travel in Vietnam.
Vietnam is chaotic, noisy and unorganized. Although I noticed a lot more cars this time around, the motor bikes (and their honking) are ever present. Crossing the road is an act of death-defying activity. People use their horns as a second language. But at the same time, their is a warmness to the country that makes the visit worthwhile.
Hanoi’s Old Quarter is vastly different from HCMC’s wide boulevards and colonial architecture. I liked HCMC right away (if only because it was so different from Hanoi). Hoi An was a little slower and amazingly well preserved given how old the town is. Vietnam’s craftsmanship is evident in both Hanoi and Hoi An. There is beautiful clothing, leather and wood items. Life happens on the streets and a “restaurant” can be set up on pretty much any sidewalk. It is amazing how anything and everything can be done on a motorbike, including a mid-day nap!
I felt like Vietnam is at a crossroad. There is evidence of lots of development and the presence of more cars means wealth is being built (at least for some). But there is still a lot of poverty and the need for infrastructure. I do hope that Vietnam moving into modern times will not ruin the beauty of the country.
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