“Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one—not just outwardly but inwardly, too.” William Bridges is famous for his transitions framework and this latest book rehashes his three phases of change. The initial phase of Endings involves acknowledging and processing the losses associated with the old ways of doing things. It’s crucial to allow individuals time to grieve and accept that something is ending before they can move forward. Let’s face it, we are always in a constant state of change given how quickly our world moves. And whether or not you like change, it is a fact of life so wouldn’t it be effective to have strategies in place to help you with the ending and what is to come afterwards?
During the Endings:
Clearly define what is ending.
Sort out what parts or aspects you will keep and what you will leave behind.
Identify what do you need to unlearn?
In order to end something a few things need to happen. First, Disengagement, which essentially says you need to feel less attachment to the thing, person or process so ask yourself how you can do that. Then you need to Dismantle or take apart the structure. For example, if you have a particular route you take to work but you lose your job, you need to undue your automatic action to take that route in the morning. One then moves to Disidentification. Ask yourself, “In what ways are you no longer the person you were?” Then consider Disenchantment to define what no longer holds appeal about that thing or person. And finally, Disorientation. What is disorienting to you about this ending? Journaling is a great way to work through these stages.
After the Endings comes the Neutral Zone. This is the “in-between” phase where the old is gone but the new is not fully established. It can be a time of uncertainty, confusion, and even resistance as individuals navigate the unfamiliar. During this “empty” time take some moments to appreciate this white space to problem solve and creatively process so that new ideas can emerge. Open yourself to possibilities. Renewal is the heart of the Neutral Zone. You begin to see a new way of life, a way of being, a fertile time for ideas and energy.
This final stage involves embracing the new ways of doing things and building new habits, skills, and relationships called the New Beginnings. Have a plan and purpose. Focus on achieving small, quick successes. With each success comes confidence that the change or new thing will eventually feel right.
Women are in a “no win” situation and walk a tightrope of meeting societal demands for women to demonstrate female characteristics of compassion, warmth, communication and collaboration vs leadership characteristics (dominated by male characteristics) of forceful, assertive, dominant and competitive.
Did you know? When women display male characteristics, they are seen as competent but not liked. When they display female characteristics they are viewed as less competent. Women leaders are seen as competent or likeable but rarely both. I saw this play out in my own career and it is incredibly frustrating.
And when you add women of different race, ethnic, sexual and gender identities to the tightrope of gender bias it gets even more complicated navigating the ladder to success.
A few ways bias shows up:
Pay gap
#Metoo wakeup call sexual abuse, harassment, microaggressions at work
I am presenting the topic of Bias and Intersectionality this week. It is to a group of women new in their careers. Bias is a well-used word but what does it really mean?
Fact: The world does not view women and men the same.
Gender bias is: When people show favoritism toward one gender over another.
Women vs Men:
Conscious and unconscious. = women and men are treated differently.
Bias is hardwired in our brains to help us make sense of the world quickly.
Bias creates different expectations for different genders (in this example).
Bias transforms into prejudice, differential treatment and inequality.
Women and men experience the world in vastly different ways.
Social norms continue to reinforce this bias.
What examples have you seen where bias comes into play?
Fall is here, hence the pumpkin-flavored everything all around us! So as the year is coming to a close with only three full months left, now is a great time to look backward and forward.
Some things to consider:
What do you still want to accomplish before year end?
What is reasonable to accomplish by year end?
What would be most valuable to accomplish by year end?
What have I already accomplished that will set me up for success in the new year?
What should I repeat next year?
What do I still need to accomplish, learn or get rid of?
What other things should you consider to close out this year and begin the next year?
Next week, I am co-presenting a session to a group of women new in their careers. Our topic is how obstacles can hinder women’s careers in the workplace. We all know bias exists and it certainly is a challenge for women…all women. I have witnessed it. I have experienced it. And I don’t want my daughters (or any other woman) to have to deal with it.
I have created some pre-work to set the stage for the face-to-face training, which I have shared below.
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
2. Have you ever experienced or witnessed any of the bias the article discusses?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
During the live session, we will walk through what bias looks like, how we all have bias and some things we can do when we see or experience bias. I know that women new in their careers might not be willing to speak up, but my hope is to share some tools that will help them address bias in a thoughtful, intentional, empowering way.
I had such a great time being interviewed by Michael Hingson from Unstoppable Mindset. We spoke about a variety of topics. Driving the conversation and taking a proactive role is the crux of my conversation. Michael has such an interesting story and perspective, himself. Listen on and contact me with questions, comments and feedback!
“It’s easy to stand with a crowd. It takes courage to stand alone.” Mahatma Gandi
Besides my consulting work, I have signed on for two speaking engagements in April. One session is focused on early career women and how to overcome barriers in their careers. The second presentation is an HR/Benefits one day conference. I will be presenting on how to jumpstart DEI efforts at organizations. This audience is mainly HR and CFO folks.
I love presenting, sharing ideas and hearing stories from audiences. For the barriers presentation, this article provides a nice overview and some much-needed pre-work for audience self-reflection. I think back to my career and how I put up with so much “wrong” stuff early in my career due to fear, lack of knowledge on what to do and just overall naivete. Even in present day, the barriers are pretty much the same…women hold little power and are subject to so much bias. And then couple that with being a women within another marginalized group and imagine the obstacles, doubled or tripled!
I remember being told that you must “ask for what you want” yet even as recent as five years ago, when I did that, I was told, “Leadership will decide when you are ready…not you.” Unbelievable and yet, as women, we are forced to comply or start over. In this example, it was the beginning of me realizing exactly the environment I was working in and fortunately, I had options so didn’t need to stay.
But most women don’t have options or fear sticking their neck out and saying something. How do we teach women to move beyond this fear? First, we talk openly about it! If we normalize behavior that holds women back is acceptable, it will continue. I think we also need to make women aware of bias and what it looks like and actions they can take against it.
Bias “is a human trait resulting from our tendency and need to classify individuals into categories as we strive to quickly process information and make sense of the world.” There are two types of bias:
Explicit Bias
Implicit or Unconscious Bias
Explicit cognitive bias includes overt racism and racist comments; “individuals are aware of their prejudices and attitudes toward certain groups.”
Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias involves “automatic, unconscious mental processes based on implicit attitudes or implicit stereotypes that are formed by one’s life experience and lurk behind the surface of the conscious.” Implicit biases are necessary for us to survive since our brains cannot possibly process every piece of information coming at it in real time for us to make decisions. Our brains learn to categorize similar things so we can react. EVERYONE has Implicit Bias. A preference for a group (positive or negative) often operating outside our awareness and based on stereotypes and attitudes we hold that tend to develop early in life and tend to strengthen over time.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
Bias
Conscious Bias
Expressed directly
We have it and we are aware of it.
Unconscious Bias
Expressed indirectly
We are not aware of the bias.
Bias in Action
Age
Color
Education level
Expertise
Family status
Gender
National origin
Personality
Physical ability
Physical appearance
Political views
Race/Ethnicity
Religion
Sexual orientation/Identity
Socioeconomic status
Bias effects
Confidence
Creativity
Decision making
Emotional health
Employment
Engagement
Opportunity
Performance
Personal freedom
Physical health
Relationships
Risk taking
Safety
Self-esteem
Q:When have you experienced or witnessed bias? What happened? What was done about it? What was the end result?
Who are you?
I am not biased. I view things objectively.
Or
Bias exists in everyone, including me. I actively STOP and think about how bias effects the choices I make.
Q: Which one are you? Provide an example.
Sources of your bias:
Your own experiences.
Information you read such as news, social media, stories, books, movies etc.
Your education including school you attend and what you study.
Your context-family, friends, work, where you live, what you do and who you spend time with.
Culture-spoken and unspoken rules in your community and society.
Innate characteristics you are born with.
All of these create your identity. Your identity can be sources of positive and negative bias. Some of our identifiers cause us to be biased to others and others to be biased towards us.
Q: What is your identity? Note if any create bias towards others.
How to Disrupt Bias (within yourself)
Create connections with folks different from yourself.
Move from “autopilot” to questioning your thoughts and behaviors.
Be curious.
Be empathetic.
Ask questions. Even if uncomfortable. You can say you are uncomfortable!
Q: Think about who you connect with, hang out with, spend time with, ask advice from…do they look different or similar to you? Why?
Broaden your viewpoint by:
Joining different groups
Reading different viewpoints, following different influencers
Joining different community groups
Try new experiences
Change your routines
Take Action
Ways to Act with Courage
Notice bias happening
Confront bias
Help others with bias
Address bias
Q: What are specific ways you can act with courage as described above?
Pause and question actions, thoughts and outcomes.
Seek to understand.
Check assumptions.
Learn. Educate yourself and others.
Share your story.
Bring people together.
Be a coach or mentor.
Amplify others’ voices.
Speak up.
Organize groups.
Your perspectives are incomplete. You are an expert on your identity…be willing to learn about others.
Types of Bias
Confirmation bias-get information that supports our existing beliefs. Ex. News from a single source.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Anchoring bias-rely on first piece of information we see. Ex. Misdiagnose an illness by paying too much attention to the first symptom we see.
Take action: What could we do differently?
In-Group bias-we favor people we like and who are like us. Ex. Hiring a candidate that has our similar background, alma mater etc.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Negativity bias-we are more powerfully influenced by negative experience than positive or neutral experiences. Ex. Remembering bad customer service experience.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Attribution bias-we judge others on their action but we judge ourselves based on our intent. Ex. Thinking someone is ineffective because of a mistake.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Sunk-Cost bias-we continue things because we have already invested time, money resources. Ex. Keep reading a book even though you don’t like it.
Take action: What could we do differently?
“Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles; cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.” Martin Luther King
Share your experiences and ideas…and what you can do differently.
Personal mission statements are powerful. They keep you honest and true to where you should be spending your valuable, precious, irreplaceable TIME. People that know me have heard me say a million times, “We spend the majority of our days on what I call the daily minutiae of crap.” In other words, stuff that sucks up our time but frankly is pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things. When you have a personal mission statement it serves as your beacon to not only provide a litmus test of where and when to spend your time but it also allows you to measure things against your values…where you work, your personal relationships, your volunteer efforts and so much more.
A personal mission statement defines who you are as a person (or as a team member where you work) and identifies your purpose, whether that’s in the office or simply in life. It explains how you aim to pursue that purpose, and why it matters so much to you.
A meaningful personal mission statement contains two basic elements. The first is what you want to do – what you want to accomplish, what contributions you want to make. The second is what you want to be – what character strengths you want to have, what qualities you want to develop.
Examples:
“To be a leader to my team, live a balanced life and make a difference.”
“To inspire others to achieve great things.”
“To thrive in my journey through life and learn life’s lessons along the way.”
“To be kind to others and myself.
My personal mission statement: To leave anything I touch better than I found it through courage, curiosity and kindness.
So from my mission statement you can see a few values that are important to me are courage, curiosity and kindness. A few other values are helping others and competence. Family, friends and health are also high on my value list. Another important things to note about mission statements are they are not set in stone! They can change and evolve over time…it’s totally a working document while it guides you through life and work.
Fear holds us back. Fear keeps us from welcoming difference. Fear also forces us out of our comfort zones. I think back on the most pivotal moments in my life and realize that fear held me back but also moved me forward. Some scenarios where fear moved me forward were:
-having a child
-leaving a job
-getting married
-traveling oversees the first time solo
-speaking up when no one else would
-getting divorced
-adopting a child
-saying “yes” to something that I had no idea how to do.
But I believe that if you keep doing things as you always do, things will be guaranteed to stay the same and do we really want a life of sameness??!! Yes there is an inherent risk to pushing your boundaries because you are being pushed into the unknown…and often the outcome turns out to be better than I could have possibly imagined. Hard…yes. Painful…sometimes. But ultimately…better. We have to believe that or we would never move forward and evolve.
seniyegroff 