Next week, I am co-presenting a session to a group of women new in their careers. Our topic is how obstacles can hinder women’s careers in the workplace. We all know bias exists and it certainly is a challenge for women…all women. I have witnessed it. I have experienced it. And I don’t want my daughters (or any other woman) to have to deal with it.
I have created some pre-work to set the stage for the face-to-face training, which I have shared below.
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
2. Have you ever experienced or witnessed any of the bias the article discusses?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
During the live session, we will walk through what bias looks like, how we all have bias and some things we can do when we see or experience bias. I know that women new in their careers might not be willing to speak up, but my hope is to share some tools that will help them address bias in a thoughtful, intentional, empowering way.
I just returned from a week in London. As a lover of historical fiction, London has been on my must-travel list for years. I am not sure why it took me so long to get there. London did not disappoint. I think one of my favorite things was all the nook and crannies you can find in London…in other words a great city to just wander.
I loved the mix of old and new, the liveliness of the streets, the friendliness of the people and most surprisingly, the fantastic food! I walked over 20,000 steps a day, visited some fantastic museums and got to see a play on the West End. The weather was very similar to Portland with teasing of spring weather, a few downpours and mostly grey, drizzly weather. Overall, just a fantastic week!
I had such a great time being interviewed by Michael Hingson from Unstoppable Mindset. We spoke about a variety of topics. Driving the conversation and taking a proactive role is the crux of my conversation. Michael has such an interesting story and perspective, himself. Listen on and contact me with questions, comments and feedback!
“It’s easy to stand with a crowd. It takes courage to stand alone.” Mahatma Gandi
Besides my consulting work, I have signed on for two speaking engagements in April. One session is focused on early career women and how to overcome barriers in their careers. The second presentation is an HR/Benefits one day conference. I will be presenting on how to jumpstart DEI efforts at organizations. This audience is mainly HR and CFO folks.
I love presenting, sharing ideas and hearing stories from audiences. For the barriers presentation, this article provides a nice overview and some much-needed pre-work for audience self-reflection. I think back to my career and how I put up with so much “wrong” stuff early in my career due to fear, lack of knowledge on what to do and just overall naivete. Even in present day, the barriers are pretty much the same…women hold little power and are subject to so much bias. And then couple that with being a women within another marginalized group and imagine the obstacles, doubled or tripled!
I remember being told that you must “ask for what you want” yet even as recent as five years ago, when I did that, I was told, “Leadership will decide when you are ready…not you.” Unbelievable and yet, as women, we are forced to comply or start over. In this example, it was the beginning of me realizing exactly the environment I was working in and fortunately, I had options so didn’t need to stay.
But most women don’t have options or fear sticking their neck out and saying something. How do we teach women to move beyond this fear? First, we talk openly about it! If we normalize behavior that holds women back is acceptable, it will continue. I think we also need to make women aware of bias and what it looks like and actions they can take against it.
Bias “is a human trait resulting from our tendency and need to classify individuals into categories as we strive to quickly process information and make sense of the world.” There are two types of bias:
Explicit Bias
Implicit or Unconscious Bias
Explicit cognitive bias includes overt racism and racist comments; “individuals are aware of their prejudices and attitudes toward certain groups.”
Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias “involves all of the subconscious feelings, perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes that have developed as a result of prior influences and imprints.” Implicit cognitive bias involves “automatic, unconscious mental processes based on implicit attitudes or implicit stereotypes that are formed by one’s life experience and lurk behind the surface of the conscious.” Implicit biases are necessary for us to survive since our brains cannot possibly process every piece of information coming at it in real time for us to make decisions. Our brains learn to categorize similar things so we can react. EVERYONE has Implicit Bias. A preference for a group (positive or negative) often operating outside our awareness and based on stereotypes and attitudes we hold that tend to develop early in life and tend to strengthen over time.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
Individual Reflection:
1. What is my first memory of seeing or experiencing someone different from me?
2. When was there a time in my life that I felt different from others?
3. How did you deal with the situations above?
Bias
Conscious Bias
Expressed directly
We have it and we are aware of it.
Unconscious Bias
Expressed indirectly
We are not aware of the bias.
Bias in Action
Age
Color
Education level
Expertise
Family status
Gender
National origin
Personality
Physical ability
Physical appearance
Political views
Race/Ethnicity
Religion
Sexual orientation/Identity
Socioeconomic status
Bias effects
Confidence
Creativity
Decision making
Emotional health
Employment
Engagement
Opportunity
Performance
Personal freedom
Physical health
Relationships
Risk taking
Safety
Self-esteem
Q:When have you experienced or witnessed bias? What happened? What was done about it? What was the end result?
Who are you?
I am not biased. I view things objectively.
Or
Bias exists in everyone, including me. I actively STOP and think about how bias effects the choices I make.
Q: Which one are you? Provide an example.
Sources of your bias:
Your own experiences.
Information you read such as news, social media, stories, books, movies etc.
Your education including school you attend and what you study.
Your context-family, friends, work, where you live, what you do and who you spend time with.
Culture-spoken and unspoken rules in your community and society.
Innate characteristics you are born with.
All of these create your identity. Your identity can be sources of positive and negative bias. Some of our identifiers cause us to be biased to others and others to be biased towards us.
Q: What is your identity? Note if any create bias towards others.
How to Disrupt Bias (within yourself)
Create connections with folks different from yourself.
Move from “autopilot” to questioning your thoughts and behaviors.
Be curious.
Be empathetic.
Ask questions. Even if uncomfortable. You can say you are uncomfortable!
Q: Think about who you connect with, hang out with, spend time with, ask advice from…do they look different or similar to you? Why?
Broaden your viewpoint by:
Joining different groups
Reading different viewpoints, following different influencers
Joining different community groups
Try new experiences
Change your routines
Take Action
Ways to Act with Courage
Notice bias happening
Confront bias
Help others with bias
Address bias
Q: What are specific ways you can act with courage as described above?
Pause and question actions, thoughts and outcomes.
Seek to understand.
Check assumptions.
Learn. Educate yourself and others.
Share your story.
Bring people together.
Be a coach or mentor.
Amplify others’ voices.
Speak up.
Organize groups.
Your perspectives are incomplete. You are an expert on your identity…be willing to learn about others.
Types of Bias
Confirmation bias-get information that supports our existing beliefs. Ex. News from a single source.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Anchoring bias-rely on first piece of information we see. Ex. Misdiagnose an illness by paying too much attention to the first symptom we see.
Take action: What could we do differently?
In-Group bias-we favor people we like and who are like us. Ex. Hiring a candidate that has our similar background, alma mater etc.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Negativity bias-we are more powerfully influenced by negative experience than positive or neutral experiences. Ex. Remembering bad customer service experience.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Attribution bias-we judge others on their action but we judge ourselves based on our intent. Ex. Thinking someone is ineffective because of a mistake.
Take action: What could we do differently?
Sunk-Cost bias-we continue things because we have already invested time, money resources. Ex. Keep reading a book even though you don’t like it.
Take action: What could we do differently?
“Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles; cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.” Martin Luther King
Share your experiences and ideas…and what you can do differently.
…Action is where real change happens. Change can feel thorny but nothing changes without action.
So today is International Women’s Day. First of all, I hate innocuous holidays or celebrations because what purpose do they really serve except for a feel-good?
I say it over and over…
“Talk is cheap. Action is where real change happens!”
It feels good to share platitudes, recognition and high-fives. But my question is, “What are you going to do about it?” Action must happen to make change happen. All the greatest intentions accomplish little. Instead, think about actions you can take to change the system such as:
Educate someone to consider and shift their perspective.
Learn something new yourself and then do something with that new knowledge.
Confront your own privilege and make changes to be more inclusive.
Seek different perspectives and challenge your own beliefs.
Volunteer with a group you have not been exposed to. This dispels generalizations and bias.
Attack policies that do not reinforce equity for everyone.
When you see something that is wrong, say something!
Share your ideas in the comments. Together we are stronger.
Personal mission statements are powerful. They keep you honest and true to where you should be spending your valuable, precious, irreplaceable TIME. People that know me have heard me say a million times, “We spend the majority of our days on what I call the daily minutiae of crap.” In other words, stuff that sucks up our time but frankly is pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things. When you have a personal mission statement it serves as your beacon to not only provide a litmus test of where and when to spend your time but it also allows you to measure things against your values…where you work, your personal relationships, your volunteer efforts and so much more.
A personal mission statement defines who you are as a person (or as a team member where you work) and identifies your purpose, whether that’s in the office or simply in life. It explains how you aim to pursue that purpose, and why it matters so much to you.
A meaningful personal mission statement contains two basic elements. The first is what you want to do – what you want to accomplish, what contributions you want to make. The second is what you want to be – what character strengths you want to have, what qualities you want to develop.
Examples:
“To be a leader to my team, live a balanced life and make a difference.”
“To inspire others to achieve great things.”
“To thrive in my journey through life and learn life’s lessons along the way.”
“To be kind to others and myself.
My personal mission statement: To leave anything I touch better than I found it through courage, curiosity and kindness.
So from my mission statement you can see a few values that are important to me are courage, curiosity and kindness. A few other values are helping others and competence. Family, friends and health are also high on my value list. Another important things to note about mission statements are they are not set in stone! They can change and evolve over time…it’s totally a working document while it guides you through life and work.
I recently finished reading “How to Have Difficult Conversations About Race” by Kwame Christian. I believe stumbling blocks do exist about how to get the conversation started and folks avoid the tough discussions all together. Conversations about race are loaded with minefields of discomfort, misunderstanding and lack of know-how. But does that mean we avoid these discussions all together?! Absolutely not because if we avoid, we never solve.
I loved Kwame’s suggestion to mobilize compassionate curiosity. For one thing, what a great way to remove defensiveness by calling it curiosity. His framework includes three steps:
Acknowledge and validate emotions.
Get curious with compassion.
Use joint problem solving.
Compassionate curiosity can (and should) not only be used with others, but also yourself. I have spoken before about being on auto-pilot and a great way to move away from this mindless way of acting is to stop and question yourself (and others) on why they believe something…in other words step back to self-reflect. Other phrases such as, “Tell me more about…and help me understand” are powerful, empathetic ways to learn where someone is coming from. Kwame’s book walks through this methodology in great detail and with examples, which are very helpful to guide the reader into action (and comfort).
Another eye opener in his book discusses speaking the same language. Kwame states, “The dictionary definition of a word isn’t important. What’s important is what the person you’re talking to believes the word to mean.” Great examples are the words privilege and inclusion. I loved his explanation of how conversations get derailed when agreement on what the word even means is not established yet! I am definitely adding this important step to my conversations. Check out chapter six to learn more and get detailed examples.
It is not new information to not speak in absolutes and Kwame touches on this, too. He suggests to use often instead of the word always. Also, use likely or frequently instead of will and finally use rarely or infrequently instead of never. Just say those words aloud and you can already sense how the conversation can change for the better.
In my mind taking action is front and center and Kwame focuses the last section of his book on this important verb. He states, “racial inequity is a problem of bad policy not bad people.” So he is a proponent of changing inequitable policies that create inequitable outcomes rather than individual beliefs. “Progress doesn’t move at the speed of comfort.” Wow and YES! If we wait for people to be comfortable we will never move…we will wait forever. And my biggest pet peeve, hope vs. action. For example, our hope and prayers are with families every time there is a mass shooting but until we actually take ACTION and change policy, nothing will truly change. Kwame suggests that with policy change hearts and minds actually do change. An example is how organizations had to quickly pivot due to COVID-19, whereas in typical times that severe change would have taken likely decades!
Another powerful sentiment of Kwame’s that I definitely know about (and likely anyone in the DEI space has experienced) is this:
“When you’re advocating for change within your organization, you may be seen as an irritant, too. Difficult conversations can make people uncomfortable and that discomfort can lead people to blame the irritant, because it seemed as though everything was fine before someone spoke up. People often struggle to see a problem if it’s not a problem for them. But the irritant of advocacy is the medication necessary to cure the greater ill of racism.”
I often get asked why I like to travel so much and especially why I mainly travel solo. Well, in truth it’s all about THE FOOD! I say that in jest, but food is a big motivator. I actually love to see how the food, culture and history converge in the various places I visit. A recent example is Peru. I expected typical Latin fare but what I found was food infused with influences from China, Japan, Spain, Africa and Western Europe. When I dived into Peru’s history, I learned that each of the people from these cultures were a part of Peru’s past (and present) and naturally brought their food and ways of cooking with them.
Travel also allows me to meet new people and hear their stories and perspectives. When I hear new perspectives it allows me to question my own viewpoint or even add to my own views and lens…which is a gift by any measure. When we are not on auto pilot, we are open to different ways of being and doing and so I truly love the element of discovery that travel naturally brings to the traveler.
I, probably similar to any other avid traveler, have a running list of travel destinations I want to visit. I do seem to add more destinations rather than cross off…another great advantage of traveling! I often meet people while traveling and listen to their travel stories, which in turn inspires me to add the destination. I did my first oversees solo trip in 2018 and it was incredibly empowering. I only planned the first two nights of the trip and the remainder of the trip was completely ad hoc. I figured planning the first two nights allowed me to conquer my jet lag and get my bearings, but once I was at full throttle, I was at full “take it all in” mode. All I knew was the day I needed to depart and it was a free for all for the two weeks in between. I got lost…so many times! I felt uncomfortable…so many times! I landed in areas that were not on my radar and learned so much about the area, the people and frankly my own resiliency. Travel allows this and so much more.
Fear holds us back. Fear keeps us from welcoming difference. Fear also forces us out of our comfort zones. I think back on the most pivotal moments in my life and realize that fear held me back but also moved me forward. Some scenarios where fear moved me forward were:
-having a child
-leaving a job
-getting married
-traveling oversees the first time solo
-speaking up when no one else would
-getting divorced
-adopting a child
-saying “yes” to something that I had no idea how to do.
But I believe that if you keep doing things as you always do, things will be guaranteed to stay the same and do we really want a life of sameness??!! Yes there is an inherent risk to pushing your boundaries because you are being pushed into the unknown…and often the outcome turns out to be better than I could have possibly imagined. Hard…yes. Painful…sometimes. But ultimately…better. We have to believe that or we would never move forward and evolve.
I recently recorded my first podcast with an interview with Unstoppable Mindset’s Michael Hingson. Not only was it a good challenge for me, Michael is a force to be reckoned with. Look up his story and sign up for his podcasts. He interviews a very diverse, eclectic cast of professionals and I was lucky to be invited to share my perspective. I will say after the recording (done in one take) I, of course, thought of a million other things I could have said…we really are our own worst critics. Anyway, I thought I would write a few posts on my site about the various topics we discussed…and so the title of this post.
Difference forces us to ask questions. For example, if someone does a task differently from you, it is a great opportunity for you to learn another perspective and then ask questions to continue the learning. We often jump to, “that’s the wrong way to do it” when instead we should relish the fresh perspective and lens.
Traveling is another great opportunity to ask, “Why?” To immerse yourself in a new culture and the joy of the unknown alley is where growth happens. Hang out with a toddler for even 30 minutes and you will get asked “Why” a million times. Why to we stop asking, “Why?” We should keep our eyes that wide and that question in our back pocket for our entire lifetimes.
I love trying new foods, not knowing the language and the general discomfort of not knowing what is around the bend. That doesn’t mean I don’t get sweaty palms and perhaps an increased heart rate, but those reactions certainly prove I am ALIVE and fully immersed in the task at hand.
seniyegroff 